If I Pay $80 For A Pillow I'd Better Die
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It’s been a long time since I wrote here. Why? I’ve been immersed in the hell that is trying to find a job. There’s not much to say about it besides: Now That’s What I Call Demoralizing! Alas, I need money to live and my skillset is limited to type-type-typing away at my little laptop. (If you know someone who needs a copywriter, I’m here, btw).
Of course, my quest for a job is inspired by my eternal quest as an American consumer to buy, buy, buy everything I can. Lately I’ve been suffering through one of those fussy periods in which my sleep is never right: it’s too hot, I can’t find the right position, I’m waking up often, you know how it goes. As I already—not to brag—work out 3+ times a week (shoutout to LIFTOFF which has me squatting 80 lbs, baby), use a foam roller for a relaxing stretching session every day, use an occipivot and a damn shakti mat to relieve tension every night, eat relatively healthy, and don’t bring my phone into the bedroom. I keep our bedroom cool an dark and I do all the things I’m supposed to do, okay? And yet my demons persist.
So how do you solve a problem like a pillow? You buy a new one, duh. But the market is crowded—like, really crowded. And almost everything is $80.
Here’s my theory on inflation: everything is $50-80 now besides like, an ice cream cone. I understand that major strides have been made in pillow-creation technology in the last 100 years, but like, come the fuck on. I wish I could be like Azealia Banks and just sleep on the hard floor, but I tried that last year during a stressful life phase and it went a little something like this—
“Are you sure you want to do this?” my husband asks from the stairs, looking at me with a mix of pity and concern.
“Absolutely,” I call up to him, smiling, laying on the ground, weighted blanket on top of me, totally deranged. Nine hours later, he comes downstairs.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, noticing I’m awake.
“Soooo good!” I squeal, not having been anything but awake for all nine hours.
I’m weak! I can’t live like a warrior in some other time period or whatever. I need something to lay my head on. Something soft. Something….square?
Yeah so people are just selling literal soft cubes for $70 now. As much as this is science-backed or whatever, I have trouble buying the gospel of laying my head on a block. And why isn’t it $40?
This pillow has a weird shape and is $100. Sure! Are we innovating now? I guess. I suppose I’ll end up supporting the evil Walmart entity by purchasing its ripoff for a reasonable $37. It doesn’t feel good, but maybe it won’t keep me up at night.
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