Love is 𝒷𝓁𝓊𝓇𝓇𝓎.

Squinting at old photos, thrilling programs, etc.

Like a renaissance painting…

The week before I start bleeding is a slow-moving hell. Like a bikini wax done on .5x speed. Like an Uber Pool in 2015 from the Valley to Silverlake with ten stops. Like the first six episodes of this Minnesotan season of Love is Blind—actually all of the episodes, this season is terrible. Can anyone name one truly deranged moment? Give me Giannina Looney Toons tripping in the mud, running full-speed away from her failed wedding day or give me death.

PMS doesn’t give me cramps. It twists my mind into painful knots. Some people take a low-dose SSRI for PMDD but I’m already on a regular does of Wellbutrin, so I don’t think there’s a chemical solution for this spiritual problem. This is the week I spend doubting everything I have ever done. I had twenty-three tabs open before I opened this one—all were Zillow listings for rentals in Los Angeles. I think ‘Why did I ever move back to the East Coast?’ on a loop until I feel ill. I have a lot of answers to that question but none of them are satisfying in the face of pictures of palm trees.

Every time I see a photo of Demi Moore I have to remind myself that I’m not looking at Kyle Richards. Both women deserve Oscars.

Did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean boulevard dirty alleyway behind a club in Charleston where they’re doing dumpster-adjacent dick sucking? This is my formal co-sign of Bravo’s Southern Hospitality, a show that’s carrying the torch of seasons 1-6 of Vanderpump Rules. People told me that and I refused to believe them, but then two weekends ago I was recovering from knee surgery and I saw the light. I started on season two and I have no regrets. It has everything: its own SUR alley, a castmember who had sex with Countess Luann, another castmember who made it their mission to expose that sex, a Scheana type who is delusional about her music career, a better-than-James-Kennedy type who is passionate about DJing (and a woman, shoutout to Gloria Steinem etc.), several cheating plotlines, gay main cast members (always difficult for Bravo to give them anything more than a ‘friend of’ coffee date), and an extremely hypocritical boss at the helm of it all. Here is a moment from the season currently airing that’s a beautiful homage to Black Swan.

Any questions???

Skincare brand Futurewise is shutting down, which is sad for me as someone who worked on the brand and is addicted to the cream and face mist—there is no finer face mist on the market, I am not financially benefitting from this endorsement. It’s so misty and euphoric, it’s like being on molly at Niagara Falls. I’ve never been there but I have a rich inner world. RIP to slug world.

This is a photo I found by looking up ‘slug funeral’…his name was cecil

I suppose I’m here to distract myself, to feel like I’m doing anything at all. I do have a job now (hence this being a VIP exclusive private invite only newsletter at the moment, even though that’s not necessary…will change that someday). Of course the feeling that I am wasting my life persists. At my worst I think of the many people making money on here and feel pure rage at myself for not devoting my life to this website, for not providing anything of value (some people make hundreds of thousands of dollars here, is the misery). I want to change this whole tHiNg into something else but I have yet to think of a better name or theme. Certainly It’s boring to talk about this.

Something I’ve become obsessed with is this book of perfume reviews by Luca Turin & Tania Sanchez. Turin is particularly cunty in his assessments of various scents. He calls one of my favorites “hotel shampoo.” Scathing. I like to flip to a random page and let his reverent praise or venomous critique wash over me. He’s like the Azealia Banks of perfume.

My favorite scents right now are Un Bois Vanille (powdery spicy chemical vanilla), Coven (wiccan potato dirt), Terre d’Hermes (sweet dirt), and Macanudo (rich girl private horse stables in the Hamptons dirt, been obsessed since before the fragrance obsessives found her okay?). Thank you to Anna for the first two recs, my decant duchess.

I suppose that is all. I will return. No good way to end this. Arrivederci?