Mass murder is trending in the northeast. Of the ‘spotted lanternfly’, anyway. Today, I came home from a ketamine infusion—my second in a series of six sessions meant to build new neural pathways and make me more able to see the harmony in the natural world, among other things—and found a door hanger flyer begging me to kill these beautiful bugs.
They kill crops.
They’re menaces to fruits.
The NYS Department of Environmental Conservation is literally begging you to kill them.
But aha aren’t they so sexy????
Every time I see one of these flashy, controversial little insects prancing around Philadelphia—they have an unnervingly jumpy and mesmerizing way of moving through the world, just like me ;)))))—I can’t help but be reminded of my favorite purchase of 2020, a little prized possession I like to call my ‘slutty lamp.’
I don’t care what anyone says about her. I love her. She’s moody. She’s bold. She’s Russian, I’ve decided.
Yes, I understand the flies will kill all our crops and leave the tristate area without grapes and walnuts and in ruins or whatever, but dear reader, aren’t we just as responsible for our own demise because of all the destructive shit we do to this beautiful planet? Maybe these manic pixie dream flies are the plague we deserve. I simply can’t bring myself to kill them. So far, that’s what I’ve gotten out of spending a wild amount of money on ketamine therapy: my allegiance to the spotted lanternfly.
Consider me radicalized, I guess.
‘Til next time. Love you. Don’t be too depressing.
If you’ve forgotten that you subscribed to this substack, that’s okay. I’m Crissy Milazzo and I used to be extremely online, but I deleted all my social media recently and now I’m just insufferable (and even more charming) in person. I’m going to be writing here every Tuesday from now on. Bye.